A Selfish Kind of Love Read online

  A SELFISH KIND OF LOVE

  Four Letter Word, #3

  Bella Jay

  The Lit Queens

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  I want to thank you for reading my book. Each of my book babies mean so much to me and I’m grateful for you reading it and hopefully falling in love with it.

  If you enjoy this book, I would really appreciate if you could leave me a review on Amazon and/or Goodreads. I would love to get as much feedback as possible from my readers, and reviews really do make a difference.

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  Thanks so much!

  ~ Bella Jay ❤️

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  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Copyright © 2019 by Bella Jay

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any manner without written permission of the copyright owner except for the use of quotations in a book review. For more information, address: [email protected].

  www.preshrodgers.com/bellajay

  To the ones I love near, far, and forever.

  There are three kinds of love;

  unselfish, mutual, and selfish.

  The unselfish love is of the highest kind;

  The lover only minds the welfare of the beloved

  and does not care for his own sufferings.

  In mutual love the lover not only wants the happiness of his beloved;

  but has an eye towards his own happiness also.

  It is middling.

  The selfish love is the lowest.

  It only looks towards its own happiness,

  no matter whether the beloved suffers weal or woe.

  — Ramakrishna

  Find the true meaning of love on…

  Thank You Readers

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Epigraph

  August

  September

  October

  November

  December

  January

  February

  March

  April

  May

  Epilogue

  Adalyn & Waze

  Four Letter Word Questionnaires

  The Playlist

  Acknowledgements

  Join My Mailing List

  Beta Reader Squad

  Bella Jay's Catalog

  About The Author

  August

  “We cannot love ourselves unless we love others, and we cannot love others unless we love ourselves. But a selfish love of ourselves makes us incapable of loving others.” — Thomas Merton

  EVERY MAN’S FIRST MISTAKE was thinking with their penis. Tessah Jones couldn’t help but think that after the beautifully crafted man beside her said the stupidest words she’d ever heard.

  “I will pretend you didn’t say that, Caiden.”

  “Why?” A seductive smirk danced on his lips as his bourbon hued eyes scanned her naked body.

  “Because you’re still on a sex high.” She escaped to the bathroom, leaving him in bed, and took a quick shower before heading to the foredeck of the yacht they occupied. The skimpiest string bikini adorned her sculpted body as she laid out and allowed the hot August sun to kiss her skin. Tessah suspected her deep melanated skin would be a shade or two darker by the time they returned to reality but she didn’t mind. Few people her age spent the last week of summer vacation on a private yacht. She did.

  And she almost couldn’t believe it.

  A girl like her who spent most of her childhood going from shitty group home to shitty group home, would have never imagined this life.

  But she made a vow almost four years ago she wouldn’t go into adulthood the same weak, penniless, and broken girl she once was.

  That Tessah was long gone and now she knew how to get everything she wanted — especially from the opposite sex.

  Many called her selfish but what she wasn’t was broke.

  She’d charmed Caiden - like many before him - into being her sponsor but he’d been the most consistent and her biggest catch yet outside of Emery — an NFL player.

  Dr. Caiden Langston owned his own plastic surgery practice in Kissimmee, Florida. At thirty-eight, he was fine, educated, thriving, and paid. All qualifications for a sugar daddy met.

  Check mark.

  An hour passed, and the sun was willing Tessah into an afternoon nap as it beamed on her backside. “Enjoying the view?” she grumbled, feeling Caiden’s presence. She turned her head to see him taking her in.

  “You know I am.” He gave her plump ass a squeeze as he settled beside her. His warm brown body glistened and Tessah pulled her lower lip in as she turned her head away from him. “You’re not gonna answer my question?”

  She snorted. “For what?”

  “Because I was serious Tee.” She rolled her eyes and said nothing. “I’ve been considering this for a couple of months now. When I’m with you, shit is how I want my life to be.”

  “I’m not marrying you Caiden. I’m twenty-one, what I look like getting married? Besides—”

  “It wouldn’t have to be right away.”

  “Clearly,” she pushed herself back onto her knees, annoyance dancing on her face, “Because you already are.” Her eyes scanned his prevalent rose gold diamond encrusted wedding band.

  “Details. After El and I close this deal on this new practice in the Midwest in a couple months, to hell with her.” Tessah balled up her face as she turned away from him. “Baby, I can give you the life you deserve.”

  “What do you call what you’ve been giving me?” Caiden paid all her bills, gave her a hefty allowance every month, and already hinted he would upgrade her Rogue to a Range as her graduation gift next year. She was already living the life she deserved without strict ties.

  What Caiden wanted was someone to manipulate. Every now and again he’d show his controlling side and his need to have his way. His wife, from what he’d vented to her, was not one he could walk over, but they shared a lot on the financial end so he dealt with her. Tessah, however, let him have his way with her - not because she had no backbone - because she got whatever she wanted from him. That was the game - make them think they have all the power and stroke their egos. Little did he know, the Tessah who played his pockets was not who she was.

  Caiden snickered. “Not even a tenth of what you could have.” His big hands latched onto her waist as his tongue teased the back of her neck. “Say you’ll think about it.”

  I won’t. “I’ll think about it.”

  ❖❖❖

  Tessah’s hand gripped her stomach as she folded over in laughter. “Oh my God, no she didn’t!” She looked at her disheveled best friend, Landon. She’d made it back to Orlando, and they were catching up with his latest drama as they strolled out of the mall.

  “Man Addie wanted to kill home girl. Fuck my life.” Landon ran his hands over his head.

  Tessah shook her head as they approached his truck. “See and you wonder why I play your kind the way I do. Y’all ain’t shit for no damn reason. This is what? The sixtieth time Adalyn done caught you cheating ain’t it?”

  Landon rolled his eyes at her and unlocked his truck. “Fuck you Tee. It’s only been a few times but this t
he only time she’s caught me this damn caught up. The hell was I thinking having that broad at my house?” They entered his vehicle with him shaking his head. “This gonna take a lot more finessing to get back into her good graces.”

  “What you need to do is leave Addie alone.”

  “Hell the fuck no. I’ma marry her Tess. I promise you.”

  “Stop ripping her heart to shreds in the process Lan. At least let her know you fuck other bitches from time to time and let her stay if that’s what she’s with.”

  “Do you hear yourself?” he questioned with raised brows.

  “I’m just saying, honesty sometimes is all it takes. You be honest with the chicks you cheat on Addie with.”

  “Because I don’t give a fuck about their bird ass feelings. I ain’t trying to hurt Addie but shit,” he peeked at his phone, “temptation is a motherfucker. Sometimes I can’t say no.”

  “You don’t say.”

  “Shut the fuck up with yo bald-headed ass.”

  Tessah snarled. “I’m a lot of things but bald-headed ain’t one of them, ugly.” She twirled a piece of her gorgeous healthy 4b hair. In its curly state it rested on her shoulders and beyond her bra strap when stretched.

  “You ugly.”

  “You a hater and that’s why your dick about to be dry for weeks to come.”

  Landon’s mouth dropped open and Tessah cackled. “You wrong as fuck.”

  “Went for the juggler.”

  Tessah loved her best friend to death, but he was the poster child for an ain’t shit man. The way she watched him dog out his girlfriend of almost two years sickened her but wasn’t her problem. She always told him he was wrong and didn’t encourage his behavior but he was a grown man and she was glad she’d dodged that bullet.

  Landon Matthews was fine.

  But fine didn’t speak to Tessah’s yoni... money did. When they met their freshman year, he tried to shoot his shot with her but she wasted no time shutting it down. Landon didn’t lack funds, but he wasn’t paid. He came from an upper middle class family but HE didn’t have money. Not the kind she sought-after at eighteen.

  Tessah didn’t care to entertain men her age and the youngest man she’d ever dealt with in her adult life was Emery and their situation differed.

  She liked her men thirty plus and established. Websites like secret arrangement had turned out to benefit her but her biggest land had been Caiden.

  Two years ago one of her sponsors offered to get her a new set of boobs and recommended Caiden’s practice. A consultation where the boobs she’d thought she wanted turned into much more. Caiden talked her out of them saying her body was perfect the way it was. His compliments turned into harmless flirting until she google’d his net worth and saw he was the ultimate sponsor. She had to bag him.

  And she did.

  He was the black Dr. Miami and worth over a billion.

  Now Caiden was her sole provider and until a week ago she was content with only him and Emery on the side.

  She lived a picturesque life without the drama of a man playing her yet she still had all the benefits of having a man. Regular sex, decent conversation, and someone else’s money to spend. Her friends joked about her missing out on love but love didn’t pay her bills or afford her the life she deserved. People even called her a hoe, but she didn’t care about other people’s opinions of her. If opening her legs for money made her a hoe, at least she was a top dollar hoe.

  “Your ass can never play fair,” he commented, pulling her out of her thoughts. “That’s why you about to come with me to Ky’s.”

  Kyree - Landon’s dope boy friend - irked Tessah’s soul. Nothing about him aside from his looks gave her pleasure and his cockiness about that rubbed her the wrong way. Sometimes God blessed the wrong people in the fine as fuck category.

  Tessah’s smile dropped to a frown. “Man,” she whined. “You can’t go by there later?”

  “Nope. Why would I come way back across town? You’ll be okay.”

  “Well I hope your little friend mind his manners.”

  “Mind yours and all will be well.”

  “Whatever,” she sassed back.

  ❖❖❖

  Kyree Warwick watched as his baby mama, Chandra, pressed her right palm so hard against the headboard he was sure she’d break it. “Shit Ky,” she groaned, losing the arch in her back.

  “Keep that arch,” he commanded, pressing on the small of her back while drilling inside her. She whined but arched it deep enough he tapped her cervix with each thrust. “Shit Chan,” he hummed.

  “Harder,” she begged, glancing over her shoulder at him. He closed his eyes and tightened his grip. His release was near. Thank God. All it took was a few more strokes and his seeds coated the inside of the rubber.

  “Damn,” Chandra sang after Kyree stepped out of the bathroom from disposing the condom. “You tryna have me soaking in Epsom salt, huh?”

  Kyree smirked as his naked body fell back into the bed. “Doing what I do.”

  “And you do it well,” she said, her top teeth piercing her bottom lip. “You want me to cook you some food?” Chandra drummed her fingers up his chest. “Or we can go out to eat. We haven’t done that in a while. Cherry will be awake soon from her nap.”

  Kyree opened his mouth to shut her down but relief coursed through him when his phone rang. “Yo.” He answered the call.

  “You at your spot? I’m on my way.”

  “Nah but I can be there in less than twenty.”

  “Who is that?” Chandra asked, speaking louder than necessary.

  Kyree frowned as laughter came in through the other end of the phone. “Baby mama trippin’?”

  “As always. I’ll see you in a bit Landon,” he said, looking straight at Chandra who shrugged as she rolled onto her back and pulled the sheets up her body.

  “Bet.”

  They ended the call, and he threw the covers back. “I gotta go.” He climbed out of the bed as Chandra sucked her teeth. Here she go.

  “So you just came by to fuck, huh?” Her brown doe eyes scanned him as he slipped on his sweat pants.

  “No, I came by to see Cherry.” He pulled his shirt over his chiseled body. “Chan don’t start this shit man. I got business to take care of.”

  “Start what shit?” she quipped, pulling her neck back.

  Kyree sighed as he slipped on his shoes. “Nothing.”

  “Exactly! ‘Cause you know I’m right. You always wanna smash and dash but never wanna discuss us getting back together.”

  Because we not.

  “I held you down when you were in jail and all I can get as thanks is dick.”

  “Man,” he dragged out as she got out of the bed, “held me down?” He let out a soft chuckle to keep his cool and ignore her denial. “I ain’t about to go there with you Chandra. We’ve gone there one too many times. If you don’t wanna let me fuck, then don’t let me fuck. Shit.”

  “Fuck you Ky.” She slammed the bathroom door. Her way of telling him to get the hell out of her house. Same shit, different day.

  Kyree made a pit stop by his daughter’s room to give his sleeping angel a kiss before heading out to meet Landon.

  Landon was one of the young college guys who worked for him distributing prescription pills on the local university campus. Kyree was the middle man between guys like Landon and his supplier. That was how he made most of his money instead of being on street corners like he used to be in his late teens to early twenties. Simple and easy but kept him paid well enough to invest in better things for his future.

  He pulled up to his crib ten minutes later to see Landon and his home girl, Tessah, chilling on the hood of Landon’s truck. He wished Landon had left the bougie princess somewhere else because he couldn’t stand her gold digging ass.

  Him and Tessah had bumped heads from jump because he peeped the woman she was off rip and she didn’t seem to like he’d called her on her shit. He didn’t give a damn though.

  “Yo, wh
at’s good Ky,” Landon greeted as he stepped out of his car.

  “Life,” he responded as they approached one another and dapped. His eyes bounced to Tessah who held a smug look on her pretty face as she did something on her cell phone. “Why you had to bring her ass with you interrupting my chi?”

  Landon chuckled. “I told her to mind her manners in the car. Y’all two butt heads like y’all fucking.”

  “Not in this lifetime,” Tessah said, jumping into the conversation as she walked up on them.

  “Not in any lifetimes,” Kyree rebutted. “You can go back over there where you were. Lan don’t need a bodyguard.”

  She kissed her teeth. “Shut the hell up okay?”

  “Yo watch yo mouth.”

  “You watch your mouth,” she clapped back. “Always got something to say.”

  “Don’t you have someone’s money to take right now?”

  Tessah lowered her chin and pulled her neck back. “You must be jealous because I deal with established men who have legit money and businesses and not criminals like you.”

  Kyree snorted. “Not even a little.”

  Tessah kissed her teeth. “Landon hurry up before we end up getting shot out here.” His house where he handled his illegal activities wasn’t in the best of neighborhoods but leave it to her gold digging ass to act like people were out having drive-bys for fun.

  “You ain’t coming inside.”

  “I didn’t want to.” She stalked away.

  Landon chortled at the two as he followed Kyree inside his spot. “Maybe y’all should smash.”

  “She’s not my type,” Kyree said with conviction.